Since I started this blog visitor tracking lark about, ooh, 12 hours ago, I have had no visitors from any of the white countries above, so if you’re reading this in Africa, Mexico, Mongolia, the Middle East including Turkey or what I take to be Greenland, I’d like to extend a very special welcome, and point out that, a lot of the time, I simply don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
In other news, I did finally get round to stealing a tomato the other day. Not exactly top-notch criminal behaviour, of course, but it was quite a large tomato, and I helped myself to it via what I thought was the tried and tested method of sticking three or four tomatoes in a bag, weighing it and sticking on the, er, sticker and then adding a couple more for good measure. It turns out, after consulting several of my peers, that this is not quite as common as I’d always thought it was, but I should stress that I have still not, as of the time of writing, been fed to the crocodiles or hanged.
So give it a try. I’d imagine, although I can’t say for certain, that it also works with either bananas, sweet potatos or plums.
(Incidentally, I’m aware that Africa is not normally thought of as the White Continent, and that it’s odd to refer to Greenland as white, except obviously in the very important sense that, although I’ve admittedly never been there to see for myself, it is said to snow a fuck of a lot.)