If only I’d started reading the Daily Telegraph sooner! As it was, I was brainwashed at university by pinko lecturers into relying on the Guardian as my main daily source of news and ideas. Now that I’ve been, as they say, red pilled, I’m delighted to see that a Government whip by the name of Chris Heaton-Harris has taken a brave stand against the hegemonic domination of the Left (boo!) in higher education by writing to vice chancellors demanding the names of all staff teaching their students about the existence of Europe, and thereby potentially indoctrinating them with anti-Brexit sentiment. After all, to paraphrase someone else who took no nonsense from subversive elements within the education system, there can be nothing above Brexit, nothing outside Brexit, and nothing against Brexit, or as our hero would also doubtlessly have agreed, the first thing is Brexit— and from Brexit are derived the rights and fate of the people. Humans come second. I would tentatively suggest, if I as a mere subject of Brexit may be so bold, to suggest that a short oath of allegiance may serve to remind such reprobates of their ultimate duty:
“I swear fidelity to Brexit, and I swear to respect the Brexit Statute and the other laws of the State, and to fulfil my teacher’s and all academics’ duties with the aim of preparing industrious and righteous citizens, patriotic and devoted to the Brexit regime. I swear not to be or ever become a member of organizations or parties whose activities are incompatible with my official duties. Viva la Brexit! (repeat 3 times).”
In addition, I have taken the liberty of producing for sale and dissemination a collection of merchandise which will serve to disseminate a heartening message intended to remind all Brexit citizens of where our current responsibilities lie and where the path we are marching will ultimately lead. In order to demonstrate that we Brexiteers are not, as some unfairly claim, hostile to the traditions of European civilisation, I have chosen a slogan which both reflects our shared values and projects a positive message to younger generations, one written in a language that reaches further into our cultural and racial origins than the degenerate French ideas promoted by those who have poisoned the mind of our Young. The items in question have been designed with British ingenuity, manufactured in the former colonies and are being offered at a price which, given the inclement conditions vis-a-vis exchange rates and inflation, has yet to be determined. Let’s just call it fifty good solid British Pounds, or £125 for two, bearing in mind that mathematics is a foreign invention and therefore not to be trusted.